Unconditional love means keeping your heart open all the time. To do so, you may need to let go of the expectations you have of other people, of wanting them to be anything other than what they are. It means letting go of any need for people to give you things, act in certain ways, or respond with love. Many of you wait for other people to be warm and loving before you are. Unconditional love is learning to be the source of love rather than waiting for others to be the source.

Unconditional love allows you to join with others and keep your personal boundaries in tact. To be able to join with others, know your own boundaries. People desire to join with others, to have intimate connections, and yet at the same time to be separate. If you are feeling suffocated in a relationship, being asked to do things you do not want to do, it is because you are not clear about your own boundaries. Although it is easier to blame the other person, it is you who needs to get clear about your boundaries. On the other hand, if there are things you want from another person that you are not getting, it is because you are trying to use the other person to fill a space within you that only you can fill.

Take the example of a woman who feels suffocated in a relationship. She feels that the partner she is with is constantly asking for more than she wants to give - more time, attention and more commitment to the relationship. She blames the man for being so demanding. However, the pattern lies within her and until she recognises it she will continue to attract similar relationships. Often a pattern shows up as its opposite: she may attract either those who are demanding too much or those who are unavailable and don't want an involvement.

This is a woman who has not yet come to terms with her sense of self. So long as she is not certain where she ends and other people begin, she will constantly be struggling to define her boundaries. She will shy away from commitments, because she experiences them as a loss of self identity. Not being clear about who she is, she will feel pressured by demands or even simple requests. If she had clear boundaries, she would find it easy to say no. If she had clear boundaries she wouldn't attract relationships that keep testing her boundaries. Once she gets clear on how much of herself she wants to give, and on what the balance between herself and others feels like, she will attract relationships that fit that new picture.

Unconditional Love - Part 2

"unconditional love transforms fear" 

Fear is like a background noise that circles the planet, affecting many actions and decisions. It takes strength and courage to face what you fear. As you become aware of energy, you will also become aware of fear. The first place to examine it is in yourself, although it may be far more visible to you in other people. If, when you look at a friend or loved one, you can see clearly where he or she is closed or fearful, see if it is a reflection of a place within you that needs more love.

It is easier to see things in other people than in yourself. That is why the universe will often teach you something about yourself by putting you around people who show you what you are learning. You would not focus on that trait or part of them if you were not working on those issues yourself.

Fear can come from your thinking patterns. I see common thoughts that tell you you are bad and that if you do not watch out, you may be harmed. These are mass thoughts shared by many.You will at some point face them directly in yourself as you begin going upward into the higher levels of the universe. Fear shows up in thoughts that are very self-critical - wondering if you have disappointed someone, thinking that you aren't trying hard enough, or that you yourself are not enough.

If you discover your fears as you open to a new relationship, do not make yourself wrong. Fear is an undercurrent and the more you can discover it and face it the more you can heal it through your unconditional love and acceptance of yourself.

How do you discover fear? Look at some area of your life where you have a decision to make. Ask yourself if there are any reasons you do not feel free to make a decision to do what you want to do. Perhaps there is a fear that there will not be enough money, a fear that you cannot make it on your own, that you will not succeed, or a fear that others do not love you and will not want you if you do not live up to their expectations, or if you stand up for yourself. As you look at this decision, ask yourself, what would you do if you knew you were totally safe and protected, guided and loved by higher forces of the universe? If you knew your soul was assisting you in every way possible, and if you knew you could fully trust your wiser self, would you make a different decision? This is on way of uncovering fear.
                              
                                           
                                             Unconditional Love - Part 3

"Fear is a place that has not yet discovered love"

Fear is often disguised as logical and rational reasons why something cannot be done. Sometimes it comes disguised as a feeling that other people are stopping you. There are many ways to disguise fear: blame it on others, refuse to take responsibility, decide you can't do it anyway so why try, get angry and quit, and many others. What ways do you use to cover up fear?

If you discover you are doing these things, the first step is to recognise that the reason you are avoiding something or feeling bad about another and yourself is because of fear. Love this part of you; do not make it wrong. Be willing to look directly at what you are avoiding. You don't have to apologise, cover up by acting strong, or think that you are a bad person. Once you recognise fear, it becomes much easier to deal with. It is only when it is in disguise that it can create separateness and pain.

One way to discover fear is to take something that you want to create, but fear you cannot, and list all the reasons why you cannot create it. Then, turn those reasons into positive statements of why you can create what you want. You will find that fear dissolves in the light of consciousness. Love is like the warm sun that shines on the ice; it melts and dissolves any barriers, any areas of pain. Like the ice, your fears will turn to water and evaporate.

When you notice yourself responding to other people with fear rather than love, perhaps pulling away from them, afraid that they will reject you, make you wrong, or ask too much of you, thank yourself for becoming aware of fear. Love that part of you that is afraid, and then begin to radiate unconditional love.

When you are judgmental or critical, you are most affected by other people's energy. If you look at people and think, "They ought to work harder, get their act together," these thoughts pull their negative energy into you. What you see in them is what you begin to experience in them, for as you focus on something you draw it out. What you fear you draw to you. Get in touch with that gentle loving part of you, your higher and wiser self, that guides you into being more loving.

When you experience uncomfortable barriers and boundaries between yourself and others, it is a sign that you need to transmit more love to others and to yourself. You may not chose to live with them, be close to them or around them all the time, but they will still benefit from your broadcast of love. Some of you try to put on a brave and strong front, acting in a way that says, "I will not be vulnerable or hurt." Yet, that very act creates fear and pain, attracting even more negative action from people that then requires an even braver exterior.

Look at the times you want to close your heart, the times at which you say, "I have had enough, this person is not being loving enough for me, I think I am going to leave." In every relationship, no matter how long-term or solid, there will always be a challenge to keep your heart open. How else do you learn unconditional love but by coming up against all those areas in which your heart is closed? Each time you come to a place in which you want to close your heart, you now have the opportunity to establish a new pattern, and keep it open. You may still choose to leave or change the nature of the relationship, but you can do so with love. You may think that the best friends are those who never challenge you, who never make you want to close your heart, and yet if you are with people who never challenge you to remain open and loving, you are not trully connecting with them in your heart. The heart always deals with issues of trusting, opening and reaching new levels of acceptance and understanding of others.

Unconditional Love - Part 4

        "whatever you give others is also a gift to yourself"

Compassion is an attribute of unconditional love. Smiling inwardly when people do things that used to upset you, sending them a warm blessing or thought of love, frees you from being affected by their behaviour. The quality of understanding is the ability to stay calm and unruffled no matter what happens, to allow people to be themselves and make their own mistakes. It allows you to provide that warm, safe harbour for them where they can bask in the steadfast light of your acceptance.

The ability to accept other people for who they are is a great challenge, and as you master it, so do you give that gift to yourself. If someone is yelling at you or talking in a tone of voice or a way that sparks anger, defensiveness, or sadness in you, begin sending him love telepathically. Bring yourself to a peaceful center and relax your breathing. As you send him love, do not expect him to quit yelling or respond in any way. Know as you send this love you are raising your vibration. Soon, either he will change or you will find that you are no longer creating situations where others are angry at you.

Relationships challenge you to keep your heart open and feel loving towards others. The quality of defenselessness is important. It is that feeling that you have nothng to defend, hide or apologise for. It comes from a feeling of self-acceptance, not justifying behaviour that you want to improve, but knowing that making yourself wrong for it will only lock you into that behaviour longer. People are often afraid to admit that they may be wrong, in pain or hurt. Sometimes, for instance, when you are feeling unsettled and out of your calm, clear center, you may try to put on a front, acting as if nothing is wrong. If instead, when you are with another, you allow yourself to express your true feelings, you open up a channel of communication that can deepen your connection.

You may want everybody to think you are a perfect person, so you act out a role that says, "I'm fine, do not worry about me, I am tough and I don't need any help." That creates separateness between yourself and others and keeps you from love at the very time you most need it. Have you noticed how much love you feel towards others when they are vulnerable and admit that they are not sure how to handle something, rather than acting as if they know it all? Do not be afraid to be seen for who you are!

Unconditional Love - Part 5

        "if you have nothing to defend, life becomes easier because
you do not have to pretend to be anything you are not"

Life is harder when you think you have to defend your beliefs, thoughts or self. I will suggest that most of the things you think you have to defend are beliefs and ideas that are not yours anyway. You rarely get offended and hurt when someone disagrees with the things you are sure about. The areas where you are not certain, where you feel insecure are those you often feel the most need to defend.

The next time you feel you have to defend something about yourself, ask yourself, "why am I feeling I must defend this"? Be willing to let your heart and wisdom smile upon people, sending them your love and acceptance. Do not feel you must say anything. Be who you are. If you do not know the answer to something simply say, "I do not know". Do not try to be perfect all the time. Do not think that to be loved you must have all the answers, that you must never be afraid or look weak, for those of you who are willing to be vulnerable will find more love coming to you.

Forgiveness is part of unconditional love. Forgive yourself throughout the day for all the moments when you are not high, not loving and not wise. Forgive others for all the moments they are not high, loving and wise. As you forgive, you make it easier to become those things you want to be, and you make it easier for others to become them also.

People who respond to you in a way that seems to deny that you are a loving being are coming from a place of fear within themselves. If they ignore you, make you wrong, say unkind things, or act in a way that implies you are not their equal, realise that they are coming from fear. You do not need to respond to the fear within them by creating it within yourself. Instead, you can become a source of healing to those around you.

You attract situations into your life to learn from them. One way out and up is by responding with love. As you do so, every situation will change in its nature and character. By practicing, you can learn to broadcast love for longer and longer periods of time. Practice everywhere you go. Send love to the earth. Send love to everyone you meet. See if you can notice something beautiful about them.